I spent the past couple of weeks kind of working on my annual review, thinking through reflections from this year, things I want to carry into next year, (which you might know is always one of my favorite things to do!) But unfortunately everything else on my plate this week came to a complete halt.

I wanted to share a little personal story here (more personal than I usually share in these updates), mostly to talk about the darker underbelly of running your own business. I always say that I want to share the real behind-the-scenes lessons of running a solopreneur/creator businesses, so that means sharing more than just the highlight stories.

And maybe there’s something in here that feels like solidarity if you’ve been through something similar in your journey of self-employment.

So I’ve spent the better part of seven full days in and out of the ER and hospital. I ended up passing a kidney stone. It was, hands down, the worst experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. You would never believe how something literally smaller than a peppercorn can cause such awful, excruciating pain.

People on the internet say passing a kidney stone is akin to — or worse than — labor. As someone who hasn’t gone through labor, I can’t vouch for that. I can vouch for how what I felt though, which was 10 out of 10 level pain.

I had a lot of time sitting in hospital beds, in between morphine naps, to think about work and everything else. And it really exposed to me just how vulnerable being self-employed can feel sometimes. (Also how much of a chronic overworker I am - but that maybe is something to unpack at a later date)

I’m usually very much in the cheerleader camp of “build your own thing,” “go freelance,” “freedom and flexibility,” all of that. I still believe in that. But when you’ve built a business around you and only you, that vulnerability becomes very real when something goes wrong.

There were multiple moments this week where I wished I could just put up an out-of-office, claim a sick day, and have a team handle things on my behalf. But of course, I am the business - there is no one that can do what I need to do but me.

Instead, I was dealing with mind-numbing pain while worrying about a million things on my to-do list that simply were not going to get done.

It also happened to be the busiest week of the year, right before everyone disappears for the holidays. (Also as an aside, it’s also the period every year where I freak out about never having work again)

I had about 20 hours of work for one fractional client, three major article deadlines, a couple of lead prospecting calls, and a long list of other things that needed to happen. And as a chronic overachiever, it’s very hard for me to just let things sit.

I kept asking myself, “Okay, what can I possibly still get done?” and trying to avoid being that American that needed to jump on their laptop while in the emergency room (lol).

Eventually, I had to clear my calendar completely and say: I don’t know when I can do any of this. I’ll let you know when I’m better and can give you a realistic estimate.

Which… crushed my soul a little.

I do want to say — very clearly — how grateful I am for the clients I work with. Every single person has been incredibly understanding and accommodating. I really appreciate that. I think most of us understand that people are human and things happen. At the end of the day, this is marketing work. We’re not saving lives.

But it can still feel very dire in the moment.

I’m slowly coming back to my senses now and gathering the energy to start tackling my list again. Of course, it’s the holidays, which complicates things. You always want to rest and enjoy that time, but invoices don’t get paid if the work isn’t done. And January is always a slower month, so I feel that pressure to go into the new year at full speed.

One practical thing I will share though: one of my biggest focuses this year has been adding more financial cushion to how I run my business, specifically so it can handle dips — slower months, unexpected downtime, things like this (although I certainly didn’t have a kidney stone in my bingo card for this year, which, I suppose, is the entire point.)

That’s helped but t’s still imperfect. I think it always will be, and I think that’s something most freelancers and business owners struggle with.

Another thing I feel genuinely grateful for is that this all happened while I’m in the UK. At no point was I sitting in the ER thinking, “What is this bill going to be?” There were imperfections in the care, sure, but overall I got what I needed and everything turned out okay. It’s also given me some interesting perspective, having now experienced both the US healthcare system and the NHS.

I don’t really have tidy advice or takeaways here. I mostly wanted to share a personal update and speak honestly about the vulnerability of going through hard things while running your own business.

There’s this spiral of scary thoughts that creeps in: if I miss this deadline, if I miss this call, everything is going to fall apart, the work will disappear. I’ll never get clients again. I know that’s not true. That’s just the dramatic voice in my head, and I’m sure I’m not alone in experiencing that.

It feels super real when you’re in it.

SO If you’re reading this and you’re in a hard week — health-wise, financially, mentally — just want to say that I see you. I do hope it helps to know that even the people who look like they have “figured it out” are often just navigating the next thing in front of them.

I know there are many self-employed people dealing with chronic health issues or other ongoing challenges, and I want to say I deeply empathize. I think we could all be a little kinder to one another and a little more supportive, especially when we don’t know what someone else is carrying.

And finally, if you’re a client, or someone I was supposed to meet with, thank you truly for your patience and understanding. It means more than you probably realize.

I’m looking forward to unpacking more in the next couple of weeks and starting to share more about my 2026 projects. (And hopefully I don’t suffer to much of a vulnerability hangover after sharing all of this <3)

Thank you for being here.

Wishing you all reading this a happy and healthy Christmas holiday! And go drink some water.

xx

Taylor